"Can I take the dog for a walk?"

...asked the little girl.
"No," said her mother, "she's on heat."
The little girl goes to her father and repeats this.
"That's all right," says clever old Daddy, "I'll smear some petrol round her bottom."
So he does so, and off goes the little girl with the dog.
Half an hour later she's back...but alone.
"Where's the dog?" says her father.
"Well she ran out of petrol half way round but it's all right; another dog's pushing her home."

Would a wedding in Ely see a hat like this?

Check out youmaynowkissthebride for a priest (looking ever so slightly like Rasputin) wearing the sort of hat that I'm sure the Russian would never have entertained....

This wedding photographer would repair a Canon 300D

...when the plastic shutter pin broke. Why? I'll tell you; it's such a lovely sounding shutter, a sort of woody, grandfather clock ticking, cork coming out of a wine bottle sot of noise. It's nice.
And because it's nice, it's not intrusive. It's nothing like the 350D which is a sort of frenetic, moped going into orbit, whining toddler sort of yowl. And because it's not intrusive...you don't mind it, even in a church.
If you soundproof the camera it's even better and discreet wedding photography is possible during the service. If the light’s really low then I’ll use a Canon 5D (higher ISO range, much less sensor noise) which, funnily enough has the same sort of shutter sound as the 300D (when it’s not broken). The 5D is just louder.
But my all time favorite has to be a 1960s Hasselblad, and if you take the lens off, it’s easy to see why; the mirror is huge. You could do your hair in it.
Click here if you've got a broken 300D. My website may help.
And click here if you're getting married and you're looking for a photographer with a nice sounding shutter!!

How many legs does a Windsor Chair have?

speaking of Dell Boy, the number of wheels on his van has somehing in common with early Windsor Chairs; Because they were intended for the hoypoly, not the toffs, they often had three legs so that they didn't rock on uneven surfaces.

Me, I charge extra for missing out the fourth leg.

Bet you don't know what Windsor Chairs were for?

Originally, that is, before they became the tasteful alternative to lots of upholstery?
They were garden furniture, the deck chairs of yesteryear, cheap to make because, apart from the seat, all the "sticks" and bows were small, thin pieces of wood. And because the wind could blow through them, they didn't fall over when left out in the garden. Dell boy would have sat on a Windsor (whereas nowdays he'd come round in his three wheeled van to sell you one)

Not a lot of people know that.

Wedding photographer

...not formal, not "reportage" (dreadful word) but somewhere down the middle, was something I always wanted to be. I love "carefully casual" shots, where everybody is looking the right way, seemingly by accident. It's not, of course, but by setting up a shot and then going with the flow you can capture some wonderful moments.
And that's how www.youmaynowkissthebride.co.uk came about.

You may now kiss the bride...

What, now? Here? In front of all these people?

...Oh, all right then.

Apparently this invitation was only extended to the groom. Oh well, we all make mistakes.

I did, however, buy the website, www.youmaynowkissthebride.co.uk ! Not a mistake, jolly good idea in fact for a wedding photographer, a much better idea than michaeljdixonweddingphotography which would have meant very long thin business cards with a correspondingly wide bride to fill the space below.

Now there's a name: the wide bride... www.widebride? Maybe not, bit of a mixed metaphor. That's a better idea: www.micksmetaphors...not quite sure what I'd use it for though.

Right, shut up now, www.youmaynowkissthebride.co.uk it is

Why would a priest wear a hat like that?